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| title | aliases | tags | |
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| Do-I-Want-To-Be-Great |
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I've been thinking a lot recently about whether I want to be "Great"
Obviously I would be a good thing. But would It be worth it and is it something that I actually want to pursue. Not sure
Is it selfish to want to be remembered? I don't think so. I guess it might be comforting to know that future generations will remember me?
I might will take a LOT of hard work. Is there an element of luck? Yes of course, but I think that hard work can overcome almost any amount of bad luck.
Should I just try to enjoy life "in the moment". Yeah, I can do both at the same time.
Cracking my neck feels so good.
Someone said "the highest highs require the lowest lows". Do I wan't to live a medioce, life. Mediocre does not imply "bad". Although it does have those connotations. Is life worth living if I don't pursue greatness. What is the point. It'll just be "good". Nothing special. Yeah there'll (is that a word?) be some good great sublime (?) moments. But these could be so much better if _
Seems like an obvious choice.
Why doesn't everyone pursue greatness.
Laziness? Why are people lazy? Is it because they don't have purpose? This lack of purpose makes them think nothing matters and therefore they have no reason not be lazy? Then why aren't more people nihilistic? They must have something they care about. They just don't really care. To them, it's not worth the effort.
I could easily certainly (spelling?) get better grades if I cared more. Is it an issue of caring though? Maybe I care just the right amount, and I have subconciously calculated the exact amount of effort I need to put in to be "good enough".
How have I decided what good enough it to me. I imagine it would be almost fully dependent on ^(the influence of) peers and parents.
Can I change my decision about what is good enough? Obiviously other people (breathas) lower standards and people like Luc have higher standards (straight A+ wtf luc if ur reading this ur insane). Luc will get a better grade than me at cosc203. He cares more about his grades.
Sidetracked. Can I conciously decide to care more. Am I able to change my subconcious drive. I think by surrounding myself with people who work harder, I can make myself work harder. Why then, despite all the bullshit "productivity" vides i've watched, do it still procrastinate like a fucking
Do animals procrastinate?? Interesting
Why do people prcrastinate? Laziness, no purpose blah etc.
Is it genetic?? Yes, I think genetic must play a role. Attention span (?), memory, energy levels, hormones, chemicals etc.
I still think hard work can overcome these things.
Am I willing Can I make myself willing to be great?
Building habits, "Dicipline", learning the fundamentals properly, understanding not observing and memorising.
Is that all bullshit?
Alex _ video about cooking and gym - "everything works". Minor adjustments only provide miniscule improvements. VS "1% ing".
How much different is there between being a little bit great (yt er) vs really great (jobs, musk, bezos) (are they even great?) vs the best (ghandi, socrates aristotle, nietzsche, khan, ceasar, francis, etc )
Why did I just rank philosophers and historical figures? It is because I Why do I consider them to be the greatest or is it because they are the oldest? Or because I respect philosophers more than.. They're not even all philosophers. This is stupid
Do I want to be great? Or do I want to be a little bit great? I think on my current path I will be a big fat nobody. I don't want to be a nobo
Would that be so bad? I'm conflating the idea of being a nobody with working a boring desk job. That, I dont want. But I can be a "nobody" and still be great? What even is greatness? Is it to be remembered? Thats the real question. Do I want to be remembered (in a positive manner). Not sure yet I guess.
Fuck that, a decision isn't just going to pop into my head. I need to decide (story of my life). Stopped writing here for a while. Didn't make a decision. Just thought about my last journal (Fuck-it, about needing therapy. I-
need to stop thinking about it.
Do I want to be remembered? No? I think If I did, I would know it. I wonder if if i'd made different friends, or gone to a different school, I would have a different answer. Probably, but no point thinking about it. But maybe there is. Maybe If I change schools, and go to harvard or something, my mindset would change.
Maybe thats the real value of going to a prestigious school? The mindset of the people around you. Yeah that's one of the benefits. I wouldn't say it's the "real value" as if I've made some sort of discovery.
If I make new friends who are just nerdy (not a bad thing) overachievers. (wtf why does the term overachiever exist, so stupid. Probably comes from jealous people). (I think I spend to much time asking questions and not enough time finding answers). Got sidetracked there.
Yes I think I would improve.
When then do a lot of the great thinkers do their best work in complete solitude. I guess they are the people who inspire others? Not sure.
Why don't won't I anwer that question? Not worth it? Too lazy? Once again not sure, and I can't be fucked finding the answer.
Lost in the infinite. And the finite? (kierkegaard)
Yeah I want to great. No I don't want to be remembered.
What flavour of greatness do I want? How am I going to achieve it?
I think setting goals is important.
But thats just a surface leve technique. What I need is subconcious change to my mindset. How do I do this. Surrounding myself with likeminded people? That's part of it, but not the whole story. There must be something else. Genertic engineering? Drugs? Enlightenment? Near death experience? Sublime experience? Mushrooms? Microdosing?
I want to be more creative. AI and big tech and stuff is cool, but Art is cooler.